Oceans.

I am proud to present to you MY NEW HEART.

Or rather, maybe more to the point of it, a heart that was always beautiful, but became shattered, dirtied, and ill along the way. A heart, that despite it's best cry of confidence, was weakened with every passing wave. Waves that were strong and full of the harsh flavor of salt and the discarded trash that washes up to the shore, only to attack the living creatures that inhabit it. Waves that would take me under and hold me there, hands around my neck, choking me until I could no longer stand it.

Here's the thing. I didn't die. I somehow plucked this courage that had been impressed upon me at a young age, and I swam as hard as I knew how.

Did you ever take swimming lessons as a kid? They have you hold onto the side of the pool, and eventually a paddle board, and they have you kick. You kick hard and for a long time. I remember my ankles always feeling a bit sore during the summer. You are taught how to take breaths as you stroke, and how to hold your breath for a long time under water.

Swimming saved my life.

Swimming to the top of an ocean full of this magnificent storm, I didn't realize that it wasn't my strength carrying me to the top. I was kicking, but what brought me to the surface was the same person who walked on the sea in the first place.

To account for everything that has happened to me in the past year alone would be long, and very personal. The short of it is...I was called back out onto the waves that I was pulled from a year and a half ago. There was a return, in a sense, to a life of adventure and instability. But this time, it was purpose driven, and along the way, there would be lessons to help guide me to what will eventually be my destiny.

Destiny is a funny concept. It implies that once we have "received" our lot in life; that perfect job, that incredible man/woman, the right amount in the back account... we no longer have a journey. We're here, we've made it, and this must have been our destiny. What I've learned is that destiny is what lies beyond what we could possibly receive in this lifetime. This life is so important, and we will have abundant gifts and goodness and beauty, but it isn't our destiny.

Which is why I keep swimming. Swimming in a sea that sometimes is calm and sunny and cool. A sea that makes me feel comfortable and loved, all I have to do is float. That same sea would be my demise some days. The waves and the wind and the panic of losing what I thought I was meant to have. The separation of what I am comfortable with vs. uncharted territory.

The difference these days? I have this crazy sense of peace that no matter what the circumstance, I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I was literally called by name to be right here, right now. And while I want things (boy, do I want things), I am content to simply be swimming in the ocean, with my Comforter and Protector. I am overjoyed to allow Jesus to guide my path as my muscles strengthen, and I learn how to navigate uncharted or unprotected waters.

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand will be my guide
Where feet may fall and fear surround me
You've never failed, and You won't stop now