The reason we moved there was because Greg (the guy) wanted to climb outside year round. Chattanooga is an ideal spot. It is a mecca of outdoor enthusiasts of all types. Almost everyone you meet climbs, paddle boards, or hikes, and is serious about it too. Now, I like activity. Greg and I met working at a flying trapeze school together. I have an adventuresome bone somewhere in my body. But I wouldn't dedicate my life to living outside in a yurt somewhere, or living off the land. I'd love to say I'm into that stuff, but...I'm not.
I never want to live in a house made out of mud. I like electricity and running water, I like my privacy, so I would never live in a commune, and as much as I like to eat organically, it's not that big of a deal if my future offspring eats the occasional goldfish cracker. Shopping at Whole Foods for regular groceries will absolutely break your wallet, and I'm just not willing to do it. So there.
Tangent.
My point is, I moved for Greg's dreams, totally lost who I was and what I loved, and spent 9 months living in Chattanooga turning into a completely different person before he came back from one of his 3 month trips, teaching kids how to survive in the wilderness somewhere out West, and told me these words...
"I just don't love you anymore"
Now, a lot of my friends have heard this story. I spent a good 2 months laying on the floor of my room/bathroom in mourning. I spoke to my Great Aunt Joy, whose first husband left her and second husband/love of her life lost his battle with cancer. She GETS loss, and she told me that her first husband leaving her was almost more painful than her love passing away.
Humans just can't take rejection. Believe it or not, we aren't built for it. It doesn't make sense. The design of the universe, and the way God relates to us through His son, is an all inclusive, come as you are, stay always party. There is no leaving, there is no heartbreak. You are never rejected in His heart. He will never break up with you or ever say the words, "I just don't love you anymore".
But in this flawed space called earth, we encounter rejection on an almost constant basis. Jobs, friends, that girl at the coffee shop, that guy in your class. Husbands, wives, families. All manner of relationship can have the potential rejection moment. And it hurts. There is no doubt that it stings.
It sometimes hurts to the point of physical manifestation. Full disclosure: I literally felt like I was going to die that night Greg told me those words. And I'm not exaggerating. I lost my breath, my heart beat so hard against my rib cage, I worried something would fracture. My face and head got so hot that I became dizzy. He spent the night making sure I wouldn't faint or pass out. It was that painful. The next day, when I drove back to Franklin, I had to stop multiple times because I had to calm myself down from hyperventilating.
Back to the recovery period...
2 months of laying on floor-surfaces. The next month was better. Family was around, it was my favorite season (autumn), I began to focus on job prospects and community. I started going to church and making friends. My anger toward God and what had happened started to clear and I finally began to see the truths of all that occurred up until that point. I make it sound like recovery was easy. It wasn't. It was hard to let go. Letting go of the anger, letting go of the hurt, letting go of the fact that I'd have to start over again. Letting go of dreams and hopes. Letting go of the ease of feeling heartbroken.
I've realized this in my own story and noticed it in the lives of those around me. It is easier to stay on the floor than it is to get up and walk out the door.
We are not meant to stay on the floor.
When you stay in the place of hurt, you are holding yourself back from being fully redeemed and moved into the places where you belong. Not that God holds you back, but you're holding yourself back. We are designed to move. Humans operate kinesthetically. We need to continue with momentum if we are go achieve anything. This works on very basic levels. If you are going to survive, you need to move (to get a drink of water, to go to the bathroom). Even people who are paralyzed have to be moved in order to keep the blood supply moving. When a body is in a coma, the body itself goes into a mode of motion to keep fluids and air continuously rotating.
Constant motion is key to LIFE. We cannot stay stagnant. On a grander level, if you are a believer, your call is to move the Kingdom into earth. You absolutely cannot do that if you are being held back by hurt. It is almost impossible. If you are staying in that place, you are not fulfilling your ultimate destiny, which is to live a full and incredible love-filled life. It isn't a sin to stay still, but it can lead to sin pretty hastily if you're not careful.
I love what Christine Caine says about freedom vs. deliverance. We aren't meant to stay in deliverance. We are meant go fully go into the promised land of freedom. God's chosen people stayed in the wilderness after being delivered from slavery for 40 years. Why stay delivered when you can be FREE? (paraphrasing.)
Healing is key, and everyone heals at different time frames. Mine just so happened to be rapid (thank Jesus), and of course, not the last time I would need it (God and I talk about this aspect of my life a lot - it's almost like a running joke). Either way, at some point, you have to pick yourself off the floor. Maybe you've already done that, but you're still in the bedroom or bathroom, so you have to go downstairs to the kitchen, then crack a window...maybe finally step out onto the porch, and finally go for a run around your backyard just to get your feet wet. And the cool thing? You don't even have to wait. You can move right this second. Right now. Move. Ignore the "reasons" not to. I PROMISE they are coming directly from a place that doesn't regard you highly at all. God gives strength to the weary, and He has come to your rescue and He will give you all you need to keep going. All you have to do is get off the floor.
